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I was slowly beginning to surface through the heavy clouds of anesthesia when my eyelids were wrenched open and a bright light penetrated through the haze moving rapidly from eye to eye. 

"Steven... Steeeeven... Hellloooo... Yoohoo, Steven wake up. Can you hear me Stephen?" The voice couldn't have been anyone besides my cardiologist, an annoying middle aged man that probably still lived with his mother. I found it hard to believe that he passed medical school and it was even harder for me to believe that he was the best in the country. 

I attempted blinking and was successful after Dr. Nahill realized I was awake and also perfectly capable of performing that task by myself. 

"Oh good, you're awake. It would have been a shame if you died and that ol' ticker you've got didn't get a chance to work. Well, it's a new ticker but you get the point. Your irreversible, end-stage biventricular failure has been reversed." Dr. Nahill barked out an awkward laugh that stopped once he realized I wasn't amused. 

I attempted to sit up as I rolled my eyes but a pair of manicured hands gently yet forcefully held me in my horizontal position. I followed the hands up to a cherub face that held a set of brown eyes bisected by blonde bangs.

"I wouldn't try that just yet," she said in flirtatious, childlike voice. Had my head been together, I would have said something to invoke more of such behavior but being as I was - previously incapacitated, recently brought back to the land of the conscious - I had neither the capacity nor the energy to make such a comment. 

Nahill chimed in. "She's right; you have too many stitches and staples for that." Dr. Nahill and the intern - Rachael, from her decorated name badge - shared a brief glance that I wouldn't have noticed had a guilty blush not crept along her porcelain face. 

After that they spent too much time educating me about my artificial heart; How it worked, how to charge the external battery, how long the charge of the internal battery would last for me to shower do other things that required me to take off the external battery pack , technicalities. I was all too happy when they pumped me full of morphine  and left in a hurry, presumably for a session of knocking boots. I was even happier when I checked out of the hospital a week later with my heart and its irreversible, end-stage biventricular failure in a jar filled with formalin in hand. 

My first stop was at a FedEx. I walked in, my heart in a battered navy backpack, told the guy behind the desk I needed a box and held up my hands to indicate the relative size. He was being difficult so I decided that if he didn't want to cooperate then I wouldn't play nice. 

"Sir, yea big is not a size," He said holding his hands up as I had done, mocking me. "Please measure the object and come back with the correct dimensions."

 "You know, silly me," I said, unzipping the bag slowly, "I've got it right here. You can measure it." 

A collective gasp came from everyone in the building as I slammed the jar on the plastic counter top. The heart, being rattled swirled around in the liquid. I heard a couple of people gag behind me and the FedEx worker looked queasy. 

Mission accomplished. "Go ahead, give me a box that this will fit in." 

"Right away, sir," he called over his shoulder. He came back quicker than I expected but I assume it was only because there was a human heart on his desk. 

I paid for the box, dodged a patch of vomit on the floor, made my exit by kicking the door open with more force than necessary and flipped him the bird with a nice "Fuck you!" when he bid me a good day. 

My second stop was a hallmark. There I bought a roll of shiny, colorfully striped wrapping paper and a birthday card. This time when I went to the counter I got better service. The older woman actually made an attempt to have a conversation with me. She asked who the girl I bought the card for was and even offered to wrap the package for me after I admitted that I had no idea how to. Ecstatic couldn't even begin to describe my excitement because everything would be perfect when Violet got the package. 

My final stop was at Violets house. Cars of various shapes, colors and sizes were parked in front of the red brick house for her birthday gathering seeing as she was "too old" for a birthday party. 

Sitting in my car, I scribbled a note on the left side of the card in my less that adequate penmanship: Happy Birthday Vi! You're another year closer to death! In honor of the day you came into existence, wrote a poem just for you.

Is this the part where I cackle with glee
Because I'm older than you and always will be

Okay, I lied. I didn't write it. I typed in birthday poems on google and there was a squirrel with a martini so naturally I was obligated to click on it because nothing is better than squirrels with booze. The moral of this story is happy birthday and thanks for being born. 

Love,  
     Steven. 

PS) This gift came from the heart. You'll laugh when you open it. 
 
With that I grabbed the package and headed up the short yet winding path to her front door. I rang the doorbell expecting Violet yet to my relief her mother, Mrs. Sangrey, opened the door looking somewhat shocked and surprised to see me.

"Steven, what a pleasant surprise. I haven't seen you in a while," She tried to give me a hug but I stopped her. 

She looked hurt so I explained. "I had surgery. Stiches and things are still a little sore." 

She smiled a bright smile that made the edges of her hazel eyes crinkle. Violet looked so much like her with the same charcoal hair, bright smile."Would you like to come in for some cake and I'm sure Violet would love to see you?" 

The cake was tempting but I turned it down, making like I was going to leave but instead of going to my car I hopped their fence. I did good only to have slightly sprained my ankle with it being the first time I'd ever jumped a fence. I crept behind the shrubs that lined their backyard, waiting for Violet to open the patio door. 

Through the open blinds, I watched her mother pass on the package then watched as Violet exited the house. She took a seat on the outdoor couch, set the package down and opened the card. She read it, bright green eyes scanning the page rapidly then placed it next to her. The artificial heart beat was the bass line to my nervousness as questions began to pop up. What would she do? Would she like it? Would she panic? 

Violet slid a delicate finger under a corner of the paper and pulled. She had always been one to peel wrapping paper with care, never ripping it off. The heart beat even louder and I hoped Violet couldn't hear it as she pulled a small pocket knife from the back of her jeans to slice open the box. The knife,having not being used for a while, was more than enough to go through the thin pieces of tape. Moments later she lifted the jar out of the box. She looked taken aback for a split second then quizzically raised an eyebrow. She turned the container  around to get a better look at it. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. 

Violets emerald gaze shifted over to my hiding place. When our eyes made contact through the shrubbery, a smile played across her lips. 

"Steve, get over here."

I crawled out, stood shakily, went over to her, half limping, and finally flopped down on the sofa, all six feet, 153 pounds of me. 

Violet held up the jar. "And this is your heart?" I nodded and began unbuttoning my flannel to show her the scars. Lightly, she traced over the stitches with the tips of her tiny fingers. She trailed up the side of my neck where she expected the pulse to be. She felt the quickening thrum of the artificial heart and her smile grew even bigger. 

"How do I know you didn't just take a knife to yourself and get it stitched up?" She scoffed so I showed her the battery pack which she laughed at calling it a glorified pager. 

"What do you have against my mechanic heart?" I asked her. I could feel a silly grin beginning to make its way across my face. 

"Nothing," Violet drew back ever so slightly, the smile still settled on her lips. "Just thanks, that's all."

I scratched the back of my neck nervously. "If you say-" The lips that I had so carefully been watching swept in and planted themselves on my cheek catching me speechless. 

"Thanks," Said Violet letting her short hair form a strawberry scented curtain around her heart shaped face. 

Dr. Nahill took over my body for a second, having spent so much time with him, and I barked out an awkward laugh but it slowed to a chuckle when she cocked an inquisitively eyebrow. "I'd say anytime but that's the only heart I have." 

Violet shook her head, laughing her laugh that sounded like the wind blowing through chimes. "Oh Stevie,"

She reached to hug me; I didn't stop her. Stitches, staples and all she hugged me but I didn't mind. I hugged back even after blood began seeping through my shirt. 

"I have one question though. Why?" 

I rolled my eyes. "Because I knew you would take care of it."

She punched me playfully. "Let's go get some ice-cream." 

My stomach growled making a decision for me. I couldn't object to that so I followed her inside all the while she carried the heart. I can't count the number of funny stares we got weaving between the crowd of people but it was worth it. 
For Nobody. You know who you are. :)
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-05-17
Need A Heart? Take Mine... by ~CognoviUmbras has the suggester raving: a very creative premise, executed in the most mercilessly hilarious way possible. At a laugh a sentence it's the perfect way to lighten up any reader's day... and yes, it's got a lot of heart indeed! ( Suggested by Clockchat and Featured by Nichrysalis )
:iconindescribablyme:
IndescribablyMe Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh. My. God. That is SOO romantic!
Reply
:iconcognoviumbras:
CognoviUmbras Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks so much! :)
Reply
:iconindescribablyme:
IndescribablyMe Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Is that based on a true story/actual true story?
Reply
:iconcognoviumbras:
CognoviUmbras Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No, this is purely a work of my overactive imagination. :)
Reply
:iconindescribablyme:
IndescribablyMe Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Awww.... damn.... Really good!!
Reply
:icondeaththekid15:
DeathTheKid15 Featured By Owner May 22, 2013
HOOOH... For nobody!? OMG THANKS LIKE SO MUCH !
Reply
:iconbrietta-a-m-f:
brietta-a-m-f Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Even though your main character is sharp-witted and sarcastic, someone I could easily see rolling his eyes at every opportunity, there was a great deal of warmth in this piece. I found myself smiling and laughing on more than one occasion. I love that you wrote a story about two young people who very much carry the teen vibe, without being obnoxious, self-obsessed, Edward-n-Bella wannabes. Even though there are elements of the sci-fi (mech hearts), the characters are grounded and believable enough to feel like you're reading about someone who lives just down the street.

I must also applaud your masterful portraying of a scenario what could very easily have plodded into the realm of sickeningly sweet. Sure it's sappy, but sappy can be fun to read if it's written right. And, by gum, you've written it right. You seamlessly blended Poe-esque morbidity with puppy love and created something fantastic.

I only have but one technical nitpick: When Steve says "What do you have against my mechanic heart?" I believe you meant 'mechanical,' the adjective, rather than 'mechanic,' the job title.

All around, wonderful work, and congratulations for the well-earned DD!
Reply
:iconpatrikia-bear:
Patrikia-Bear Featured By Owner May 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Dyaaaaaw, that's so cute! Very well-written and funny.
Reply
:iconcognoviumbras:
CognoviUmbras Featured By Owner May 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much! ^_^
Reply
:icond0rkgasm:
D0RKGASM Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Is it very strange of me to say that I found this sweet, much more so than flowers and chocolates? He gave her his heart, in the most literal sense of that. It's romantic, in a rather morbid way, though I still believe that I would much prefer this instead of anything else.
Reply
:iconcognoviumbras:
CognoviUmbras Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No, not at all. Thanks so much for reading and leaving a comment.
Reply
:icond0rkgasm:
D0RKGASM Featured By Owner May 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome, dear~. I should like to say that the pleasure was all mine, but I'm slightly doubting that you didn't gain something from that shameless flattery I bestowed upon you.
Reply
:iconfroshadar:
FroShaDar Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wonderful! You really deserved that DD! :)
Reply
:iconcognoviumbras:
CognoviUmbras Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thankyou so much! ^_^
Reply
:iconfroshadar:
FroShaDar Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome :)
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz: :iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
Reply
:iconcognoviumbras:
CognoviUmbras Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thankyou so much! ^_^
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner May 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconflyingheartsplz::blowkiss::iconflyingheartsplz:
Reply
:iconbri-aboredperson:
Bri-ABoredPerson Featured By Owner May 17, 2013
This was interesting, funny, clever, encapturing, and overall a great story. Well deserved DD! Definite fav!
Reply
:iconcognoviumbras:
CognoviUmbras Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thankyou so much! ^_^
Reply
:iconbri-aboredperson:
Bri-ABoredPerson Featured By Owner May 17, 2013
You're welcome!
Reply
Hidden by Owner
:iconwaterfaerienaomi:
WaterFaerieNaomi Featured By Owner May 18, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Have grace, will ya? Also, you should be glad you're not someone with a heart problem. ^^
Reply
:iconmikeh-kun:
Mikeh-kun Featured By Owner May 18, 2013
Who say's i didn't have one?
Reply
:iconfallingteapots:
Fallingteapots Featured By Owner May 17, 2013
Going to Anne.jpg?

lol no thanks you weeaboo cunt
Reply
:iconmikeh-kun:
Mikeh-kun Featured By Owner May 18, 2013
I just got called a weeaboo, By someone who likes my little pony.
Ha.
Pathetic.
Reply
:iconfallingteapots:
Fallingteapots Featured By Owner May 20, 2013
Ha.. Pathetic.

...Pathetic that my little sister changed my profile pic to a pony.
Yeah that's pretty goddamn pathetic, I'm a sorry excuse for a human being.
Reply
:iconmikeh-kun:
Mikeh-kun Featured By Owner May 20, 2013
Good, as long as your accepting of these things. We can move along.
Reply
:iconfallingteapots:
Fallingteapots Featured By Owner May 20, 2013
Except perhaps you should stop being an asshole and posting freaky images..
Reply
:iconmikeh-kun:
Mikeh-kun Featured By Owner May 20, 2013
Never!
Reply
:iconfallingteapots:
Fallingteapots Featured By Owner May 20, 2013
K, go on with your weeaboo life.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconguardianillusion:
GuardianIllusion Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!! You sorry asshat! What if someone with a real heart condition saw that??

That's wrong on so many levels...

Fair warning to any that might click, DON'T. DO. NOT. you'll jump a fucking mile.
Reply
:iconcognoviumbras:
CognoviUmbras Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sorry you don't like it but that's your issue. I don't mean to come across as mean or nasty but you don't know that I don't have a heart condition besides, how do you know that people that have heart conditions don't enjoy it?

Go up a few comments Aurora1517 has a heart condition and it made them smile.

You may have heard of the following quote: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Really though, what was so bad about it?
Reply
:iconmidnighttiger8140:
MidnightTiger8140 Featured By Owner May 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I think GuardianIllusion was talking about the comment she was replying to, not to your story. (I do, however, agree that the link is definitely not appropriate for someone with weak heart conditions.)
Reply
:iconcognoviumbras:
CognoviUmbras Featured By Owner May 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
... -_- ... I feel silly now. I didn't click on the link so I didn't know that's what GuardianIllusion was referring to.
Reply
:iconguardianillusion:
GuardianIllusion Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh, hell... The "i don't mean to be nasty BUT" line. I was aiming for the fact some aren't appreciative of being scared shitless.. Let's just take heart issues out of it for a level field for two seconds, 'kay? -_-;

That comment came later, and I'm not going to bother looking back up. I don't care at this point, I have better folks to talk to/things to do.

Heard it, however, I DO. NOT. have much tolerance for crap, let alone things that make it sound like someone's being KILLED in my room...

I nearly swiped my stuff off my desk and fell off my seat. =_=

With that, I'm done. Just... WOW...
Reply
:icongirlwiththegreenhat:
GirlWithTheGreenHat Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
What is it exactly?
Reply
:iconwaterfaerienaomi:
WaterFaerieNaomi Featured By Owner May 18, 2013  Student Digital Artist
It's one of those full screen jump scares with screaming and flashing black and white. Don't click it. My heart rate took more than a half an hour til it when down. Which really wasn't good, even if you don't have a condition. ^^;
Reply
:iconguardianillusion:
GuardianIllusion Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
A LOUD, seizure-inducing screamer. T_T
Reply
:iconmikeh-kun:
Mikeh-kun Featured By Owner May 17, 2013
Ha.
Reply
:iconguardianillusion:
GuardianIllusion Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
At least take the time to justify that shit instead of just "ha."
Reply
:iconmikeh-kun:
Mikeh-kun Featured By Owner May 18, 2013
Ha. Ha.
Reply
:iconmidnighttiger8140:
MidnightTiger8140 Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That was NOT funny >.>"
Reply
:iconmikeh-kun:
Mikeh-kun Featured By Owner May 17, 2013
Then why am i laughing?
Reply
:iconrubypetal:
RubyPetal Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Student
This was a lovely read!
Reply
:iconcognoviumbras:
CognoviUmbras Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thankyou so much! ^_^
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Student General Artist
Awwww. So sweet, and clever.
Reply
:iconcognoviumbras:
CognoviUmbras Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thankyou so much! ^_^
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner May 18, 2013  Student General Artist
You are welcome! :hug:
Reply
:iconsimplysilent:
SimplySilent Featured By Owner May 17, 2013
:heart: Congrats on the DD! :clap:
Reply
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